Finding Maddy ~ Our Adoption Journey

By 2:26 PM

Our Adoption Journey

Hi, Guys. 

I want to start this out with a thank you. I am so happy being able to share my life with you. As I approach the new chapter in my life, I want to share our adventure with you.

It's something that Aron and I thought we were going through alone and then realized; there have to be so many families going through the same thing. We want to publicly share this journey with you.

~The Back Story~

Where it starts is our story. Aron and I met almost 9 years ago and fell in love. We met at the laundry mat in Coal City Il. Love was the last thing that was on my mind that day.

There I was in a t-shirt and penguin pajama pants. He still laughs about those pj's. He was there with his brother and niece. It was just a regular day until all of the events the made him and me "us" was really an amazing story.

Every love story is BEAUTIFUL, but ours is my favorite. --Tweet This

Going a little further back in time, not even a month, is how our story turns into Finding Maddy.

The summer of 2007 I found out I had cancer. I was a single mom of 2: Abby was 6 and Cassie was 1 1/2.  I was scared to death. I lived in a small but perfect apartment in Coal City, and my girls and my job were all I focused on.

My grandma had passed away at the end of that summer from a long battle with cancer, she was so brave. My grandpa, her husband, passed away 2 months later to the day, in a motorcycle accident. I miss them so much. Their love for each other made me appreciate love stories and the pure triumph of a life long adventure.

It was in between those two events that I found out. I knew for sure my girls were going to grow up without a mama. It still breaks my heart at the thought of any child being alone. My dad passed away when I was 7, nearly my daughter Abby's age then. My world crumbled before my eyes and I was broken.

I waited until after I had my first surgery to tell anyone. I thought if I tried really hard to fix it, I wouldn't have to tell anyone and it would be ok. Well, it didn't work out like that. I had to tell my family. I needed help.

I told my Aunts. My mom's sister and my dad's sister. They were both very understanding and did everything they could to help. Talking, answering questions, helping me tell mom, helping me be more grown up than I ever thought I would have to be. The hard questions that no one in their 20's wants to answer or even think about, "What will my plan for the girls be if I can't care for them?"

I let Abby spend the Christmas vacation with her grandma in NC and I had it planned for my aunt to take Cassie in the event of me being too sick. My little sister came and stayed with me to help get me through the hardest part. I wanted to be ready and although my heart was breaking, I had to be strong for my girls. I had to get it together. Cancer wasn't exactly in my plans.

I went through a few surgeries and amazingly, they were able to remove my cancer completely. The doctors and staff at Loyola University Hospital were very amazing, understanding, and acted aggressively.

Sadly, the last surgery was a hysterectomy. I was so happy that the surgeries were able to remove my cancer but, the hole it left in me wouldn't heal with time. I didn't realize the depressing issues it would cause later on. I was and am so happy to be the girls' mom.

Now, I am 8 years cancer free.

My one heart-wrenching issue?  I'm not able to have any more kids. No matter how hard I try, no matter how bad I want it to happen, it won't. All of my siblings have big families, I was raised in a big family, I wanted a big family. My older sister has 7 kids, my brother has 6, my little sister has only 2 but that was also because of health related issues. My mom had 4 kids, my grandma had 4. My other grama had 3 and adopted a daughter, and even fostered kids for as long as I could remember.

I come from a long line of nurturing women.

I have a want, that is so much more than a want. There's this need to be a mom again. I totally understand the baby blues. My sweet little tiny baby is 10 years old. I miss it. I missed out on so much.

To have to count on someone else to be able to accomplish something so primal is humbling, to say the least. Every time I see a baby bump I want to pat it. I am so happy to welcome every baby into the family with open arms and an open heart and do my best to spoil the tiny bundle.

Every time, I have to fight back the tears and when I can't, I excuse them with believable but short excuses. I am so happy for you, I am so proud of you, this baby is so beautiful. In reality, I mean all of those things but, it's a bittersweet feeling. I am so sad, I am so broken... I am so envious.

Then the questions of why, and the self-blame without confirmation. What if I would have done something different. Is it my fault? Is this a cause and effect situation? Was it God's plan for me to be empty like this in search of something more? Was it God's plan for me to find the baby I could not bare? Will Aron and I find the baby that will be just as much of a blessing to us as we are to her?

With both of my girls, I was a mom. I worked constantly to make sure the bills were paid. I missed out on so much. Abby took her first steps, her first words, & most of her pre 1-year-old milestones, at her grandma's. 5 years later when Cassie came along, I was working 2 full-time jobs, my ex-husband went away, and by the time I got to get them home for the day, it was time for dinner, get ready for bed, get them up and go to day care.

I felt good knowing I was meeting all of their needs but, I feel like I missed out on so much. I would love to be able to be a mom again and be able to enjoy it. I work from home. I have so much more patience now that I am less stressed.

The day that I met Aron in the laundry mat, I was still recovering from the hysterectomy. That was my first day out of the house since the surgery. He still tells Cassie (our love-story lover) how beautiful I was and how that day, he knew God would send him an Angel.

He didn't see the back story by looking at me. He saw the woman he would eventually fall in love with, the woman that would be spending the rest of his life with. I didn't tell him right away about the health issues.

I wanted him to know me for me, not my shortcomings. We started dating about 6 months later and married 2 years after that. He is my rock. He's my best friend and my #1 Fan. I am truly blessed to have such a big supporter.

He loves me so much and I love him for that. He has been supportive of me and the fact that I can't have kids and even though he wanted more kids, he was ok with that.

Now things are changing and a new chapter is going to start. We are growing up and growing together as husband and wife. We feel like our patience is paying off. We got a call last week, they said yes to us. We have found Our Maddy.

There are so many emotions that come along with news like this. The hopes and dreams. Are these the answers we have been quietly praying for? Is this the sweet little baby that we will be able to make our family complete?

We are getting older and have decided that this is the last attempt. We are so happy and so scared. So excited and hesitant.

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  1. Congratulations on finding Maddy. Life can only get better.

  2. That is a Beautiful story Amy . I send prayers your way and congratulations on Finding Maddy . God Bless .

  3. Thanks so much. We are overfilled with joy of the possibility.

  4. Congratulations! That is so wonderful!

  5. Wow, you have a heck of a story. You have been through so much and have come out on top! Hats off to you. I am in awe. And I am so happy for you. Adoption is such a wonderful thing. There are many adopted children in my extended family.

  6. I love the name. So precious!

  7. Thank you so much for all being so supportive. I was so scared to put this out there. Seeing now, I am so happy I did.

  8. Congratulations! I know this has to be SO exciting for your family.

  9. Congratulations! I will keep your whole family in my prayers.

  10. is good!

  11. this is beautiful and i thank you for letting us into your life

  12. awww,we all are really happy for you and the new one coming into it,,i have a adopted daughter thru foster care ,we didn't get her in our lives until she was 12 so I missed all the baby stuff with her,,i have 2 bio grown kids ,,congratulations

  13. Beautiful story! It's amazing to find joy in such heartbreak.

  14. This is a fantastic story, I'm so happy for you and wish you and your family all the best. Thank you for sharing your story.

  15. Congratulations! I'm so happy for you both!

  16. Thanks for sharing your story. I am happy you are doing well. I am sure it will touch many people.

  17. This is such a great story and I wish the best for you and your growing family!

  18. What a joy for you and your family. Wishing you the best.

  19. Congratulations to your family! That is so wonderful!

  20. Congratulations. You have had a rough road, but stronger for it.

  21. with tears in my eyes congratulations and so blessed

  22. Congratulations! That is such a precious story! Thanks for sharing!

  23. Ashley Chassereau ParksMay 30, 2016 at 12:55 PM

    Wow! What an incredible story!! Prayers for this little one and smooth journey into adding to your family! :)

  24. My aunt and uncle tried to conceive for YEARS! It just wouldn't happen. She tried everything from in vitro to other programs, and none of them took. Finally, they decided to adopt. After 2 failed attempts, with the mother backing out at the last minute, they had another chance. Both of them were exhausted, and they were tired of getting their hopes up. The new mother was only 17 and had already had 4 kids with 4 different fathers. My aunt and uncle did not get their hopes up. After all, they had been through SO much, it almost made them get a divorce. Finally, it happened. I guess the third time IS a charm because on April 14, 1999, they were handed the most beautiful baby girl EVER! They named her Lindsay. I now had a new cousin. My aunt and uncle were always honest with Lindsay about where she came from, and that she was adopted. My aunt's biggest fear was that one day, Lindsay would seek out her birth mother. In the beginning, my aunt sent the birth mother pictures and gave her updates about Lindsay. Then all the letters came back as "return to sender." Apparently, her birth mother wanted nothing to do with her. Finally, the day came when Lindsay turned 18. Today was the day, thought my aunt.But when it came time, Lindsay said she wanted NOTHING to do with her birth mother. She did NOT want ANYTHING to do with her. She knew she had other children that were biologically her brothers and sisters. She told my aunt and uncle the only mother and father she had were them. It made my aunt burst into tears, but tears of joy. They were blessed with Lindsay. She turned out to be a smart, BEAUTIFUL, and very wise young lady. I'm proud to call her my cousin.

  25. Wow! That is such a beautiful story! So happy for your family!

  26. Omg tears! This is such a beautiful story and I'm so happy that your family dreams came true!

  27. OMGosh, tears. Your story is so amazing, and welcome Maddy!

  28. First congrats on being cancer free for 8 years, hubby is now 4 years out. Adopting must be such a long process. My daughter and her wife are foster parents to a 17 year old and a 5 month old little boy. The mom doesn't want anything to do with the baby, has not even seen him. The dad is a repeat offender looking at life. My daughter want to adopt but since they are foster parents, it is a long and lengthy process. It is up to the courts and everything has to be followed to the letter of the law. I wish you all the luck!