Honesty
It is so important to be honest even when it might hurt your partners' feelings. There is nothing like the feeling of being lied to even when you know that it's a lie. I am nosey and I am good at what I do. I am a firm believer in an upset woman is a better P.I. than an F.B.I. agent. The only downside to that is, I can't always give up my source so, I have to wait until the truth comes out .
Never Go To Bed Without Saying
"I Love You" if needed- I'm Sorry
We are normal, we argue once in awhile. We say things we don't mean but, we still love each other whole-heartedly. Even on the nights that one of us says fine, "I will sleep on the couch" usually it's my accompanied with a door slam. No matter what things I might say or the things that he may say in rebuttal, we ALWAYS say I love you before we go to bed. We both know the value of the other. Tomorrow is not promised.
About 8 years ago, for quite awhile, Aron was telling me that he was working over at work, having union meetings, and things like that because he wasn't coming home on time. At first, I was excited thinking that's great. Christmas and the kids birthdays are right all right around the corner. We have all 4 kids birthdays and Christmas in a 5-month stretch.
When he was spending time out of the house and no extra money was on the pay checks, I was really getting worried. The first couple of weeks I kept my mouth shut thinking that I don't know how many weeks they held out when he started that job so maybe the pay was going to be a few weeks off.
The money never came and he was complaining about not having enough money. I was thinking all kinds of horrible things. Being a single mother for a long time for specific reasons, I couldn't help but, think that he was seeing someone else.
That would explain why he was gone so late, why he had no extra money, (even when he was bringing a lunch instead of eating out), why he was showering at work (he was an iron worker and got really dirty). I knew he was keeping something from me but, I had no idea of what. I was heart broken but, I couldn't say anything because I had no evidence.
The truth was, he wanted to ask to marry me and had a beautiful custom made engagement ring from Helzberg Diamonds and it was on the other side of town. It took him an hour and a half to get there and back after work. He had been bringing his lunch for a long time saving those few dollars. The secret was the sales rep calling with updates.
So, even though I was feeling totally betrayed, lost and thought I was competing with some stranger, it was me he was in love with all along!
Always Defend Your Spouse
Sometimes, getting caught up in the moment and someone is mentioning something they dislike about your spouse, be careful how you respond. We live in a very rural area and gossip is the biggest entertainment. Well, we like to host dinners and have other couples, as well as family, come over and without fail, guests wait until the other guests are out of the area and express their dislikes of others.
If something that your spouse is doing that is the topic of the complaint session, defend him or her. I have 2 examples of that.
My ex-husband has some friends over and out of the blue- his friend said to me-"why don't you get up and go in the other room?". I was very surprised at the request and said why don't you go home. Instead of my ex-husband asking his friend to apologize, he told me that I should listen to his friend. My feelings were hurt, I was offended, and I was very honest and vocal to the both of them. Some people just have no home training.
Second example.
We had a huge cookout and Aron made burgers on the grill. He was hurrying to try to get everyone fed and the burgers were more than rare in the center. He is usually more efficient about it. Grill Master quality food but, he was just in a hurry.
I overheard a few of the ladies on the porch saying how gross it was, I can't eat this, and a few other things. I could hear them so, I was pretty sure he could hear me too. I know how much he cares about the food he makes. So I yelled out the kitchen window to him, obvious for everyone to hear. "Babe, these are perfect, you remembered I asked for them to be not well-done". He was so proud. That immediately turned the conversation to "he's the best husband in the world, I wish my husband would listen to me".
The fact is, I didn't ask for rare, I asked for medium-well. He missed it all the way around. But, it's not anyone else's place to correct my husbands' position on anything. It's mine.
We talked about it after the house cleared out and we settled in for the night. He said wow, those burgers were not done at all; everyone loved them". I replied I am a proud wifey!
What is your best marriage/relationship advice?
I've been married almost 22 years and my #1 advice is COMMUNICATION! You must always talk, even when it's hard...actually, especially when it's hard!
ReplyDeleteWe never go to bed angry as it only makes this worse.
ReplyDeleteThese are some great tips that often people forget in this day and age
ReplyDeleteGreat Tips
ReplyDeleteGreat Tips
ReplyDelete