Amy & Aron's

Ok, I'm going to come right from the gut here. I have to vent. I hate my body shape and size. I don't mean to sound so forward, well, yes I do. I have been struggling with this for awhile and I feel like this is one place that I can talk freely without being judged or thought badly of. I'm only human.

I have fought with my weight my whole life. I have tried fad diets, lifestyle changes, crazy stuff, all with a hope of it working to get me to a size I am happy at. I want to be comfortable and confident. I want to look at myself and love myself and see the beauty that everyone else says they see. My husband is so supportive and tells me I am beautiful no matter what. I have him, and I don't need to impress him. I love that about him. I know he loves me. He was here for me when I was my biggest at 273lbs and my smallest at 162 lbs. He never faltered.

After some real soul searching, I know it is all me. My drive, my focus, my ability to follow through, it's gone for some reason. I used to be so determined, no matter what. Don't get me wrong, I do have the drive, motivation, follow through, focus, pride, and all of those great describing words but they are for other people and things, not myself. I want that back, I have to get that back. I'm not saying I don't want to have those amazing feeling for other people, I am saying I want some of that dedication.



I saw a book that I had to read. I'm not usually one of those people. I honestly don't think I have ever actually seen a book and said, "Oh, that looks like I want to read it". To be honest, I have always envied people that have the time to sit and devote themselves to reading a book. I always feel like If I have a few hours to sit and read a book, that would be time better spent caring for my kids, husband, pets, home, job, or something else. Considering I write for a living, that's kind of funny.  I saw this book and thought, I need to read this book, for me. It's short. I deserve it.

So, the title that caught my eye, "Emotional Eating: The Unspoken Causes of Stress Eating and How to Break Free". As soon as I saw that, I instantly connected. I was hoping it wasn't just good marketing because I was totally invested as soon as I saw it. So, it's been a few days since then and I have the download now. It's not a big book, just an hour of reading tops but, I got it. One step in the right direction.

Why I instantly clung to those words is because I am an emotional eater. Not just a sad eater like you see in the movies but, I celebrate with food. If I am having a fabulous day, feed it. give those great accomplishments a reward. If I am having a crappy day, feed it. Comfort those negativities until they are happily satisfied again. That's just two examples, I can literally celebrate anything. A family members' birthday, good report cards, a promotion, a good sponsorship, finishing all of the week's tasks early, you name it and I can get that emotional menu ready to go.

When it comes to stressful eating, I understand that too. All kinds of stress eating. When I'm stressed, it's like a chain reaction of bad choices. If I am feeling pressure from work or family deadlines, I am the first one to say, let's just do something quick for dinner. What that does is, it takes the stress of making a dinner for the whole family away because everyone does their own thing.

Does that really take the stress away? No.
Does it really give me more time to focus on whatever it is that's distracting me? No.
Does it give me a better feeling of self-worth? No.

What it really does is it makes me spend more time worrying if everyone had what they needed for a meal or if they ate a box of peeps and a can of ravioli. It makes me have longer clean up time because no one used that same pan. One pan for a whole dinner. Six pans for individual dinners. All I am really doing when I say let's have a "fend for yourself night" is saying, I give up. I'm overwhelmed, I can't do this shit right now. You know how to chew so, do it. What I am actually accomplishing is spending more time away from the family I am trying to get closer to. Then grabbing a prepackaged brownie out of the cabinet to eat for dinner because it's "Fend For Yourself Night", everyone's favorite night of the week!!

For some reason when I think, let me focus all of my time on this one thing for just a little bit and make a sacrifice of spending time with you now so, later it can be real, all of me, undistracted time, with nothing in our way. It's a lie. There will always be a distraction. I mean, I'm a human, caring for other humans. I will never be undistracted 100%. I need to get a grip on my priorities. I can't make everything a top priority and leave myself off of that list.

By any chance is this relatable? This doesn't just go as far as work. There is always something going on. Work just takes the brunt of it because it's how I provide for my family. I always want to make sure I have something good going on. If I have the time, I work more. Pretty much, no matter what, work. If I have a minute of downtime I use it.  If I am at the bus stop, doctors office waiting room, stuck in traffic, WORK. That's the glory of being my own boss. I don't have anyone else to ask for a raise.

Like I said, work isn't my only stressor. I am married, we have a blended family, my husband is disabled with needs that I keep up with. We have almost 4 teenagers, aging parents, and elderly grandparents, extended family, and financial decisions. With all of this comes more stress and the feeling of inadequacy when I think of, why don't I have all this shit figured out yet.

Because I am overwhelmed, I turn all that around and blame it on one thing, ME. It would all be better if I could just look amazing in a pair of size 12 jeans. Feeling confident in myself will project onto other tasks. If I am confident in me, I can become confident in more situations.

So, back to the main point of this post, the book I saw that threw a switch in my head. Emotional Eating: The Unspoken Causes of Stress Eating and How to Break Free". How do I apply myself to myself to get me back?

One more question. Where the Hell did I go???

Now for my thoughts- I'm going to read the book now. Everything above was just a moment to let you see who I am and why I thought this may be something I (and even you) may truly benefit from.




The book has a few key points that made so much sense right off the top. Points that I already knew I needed to address but, I just didn't know how.

• How to put life systems in place to prevent your triggers from getting the best of you
• How to effectively process difficult emotions so you can weather storms
• How to immediately shift gears and stop negative behaviors while boosting self-esteem
• How to break the habit of emotional eating when you are bored or lonely
• Highly unconventional stress and nutritional remedies that can cure your cravings and give you nerves of steel

Starting at the beginning of the book, I was hooked. I really can relate to the childhood memories and attaching them to different foods. My core emotions good and bad are tied to emotions which are tied to food. The thought process that this book is bringing up is in some ways painful and making me feel accountable.

I have noticed that my trigger is the soft drinks and snacks. It's a harsh reality. I drink and snack when I'm not thirsty or hungry.

I am going to share more personal issues, not for the sake of the review of the book but, because I need to.  I was an alcoholic for a long time. It was a great way to help me cope with some problems I was having. I feel like by sharing that with the world, I am holding myself accountable for my recovery. I have been alcohol-free for almost seven years.

When I quit, I quit cold turkey, I didn't seek help, I didn't allow myself the time to heal emotionally for the issues that I masked by drinking or the harm that the drinking added to it. I feel like I supplement my food and drink habits to cover the emotional pain I was covering. In complete honesty, I feel like I have been covering all of these issues with more issues. I have only been trading off one thing for another while stockpiling all of the emotional crap.

I still haven't dealt with the childhood pain of blaming and resentment. I just cling to things that make me feel better at the moment. Right now, everything that has built up, it's easy to think, it's just food, I need food to live, there is no problem here.

In this book, I have found great resources to help me get back to me. I'm not saying that this book will turn me into a size 6 overnight but, what I am saying is this book has helped me realize what I was doing in my own life to help me build the strength in myself to deal with food triggers.

I am as important as all of the other things in my life and the stress I put on myself for these issues is unnecessary.  There are some great tips in here for getting better sleep and how to achieve it. There are resources to prioritize my stresses and put them in order. Giving myself real rewards like memories instead of foods.

I love this book. If you are looking for an inspiring way to get motivated, this is it. I want to put a huge thank you out there to the author and allowing me to take part in your book review. This has been a great experience for me to acknowledge the problem and find the source of the problem. I am accepting my emotions and finding better ways to cope with it.