While you have to come to terms with this being the last few hours or so with the person alive, it’s important to help your loved one in any way that you can. From making them feel more comfortable to organizing a chaplain or pastor to offer some words of comfort.
If you’re in a position where you need to assist with your loved one’s care for the last few hours, then here are some helpful tips on how to manage this sensitive situation.
Hold their hands for reassurance
Reassurance is important to give to your loved ones when they’re going through these last few hours on earth. For some, they may be completely aware of what’s going on, whereas, for others, it might be that they’re drifting in and out of consciousness.
Whatever the state they’re in, it’s good to hold their hands to provide that reassurance. Not only that but it also helps to show them that you are present, even if they’re not in a current state where they can see or hear you quite as well.
Holding their hands can give you a connection that remains with them, despite where they are in those final few hours. It can give them peace of mind and may in a lot of ways, ease the pain or fear they may be feeling.
Request a chaplain or pastor to attend
It’s worth noting the difference between chaplain and pastor before requesting either of them to attend the bedside of your relative. For those who are members of the church, a pastor might be a more suitable option.
A chaplain is someone who will work with people of all religions and backgrounds, so it might be something you want to explore and discuss with your loved one ahead of time. Be sure to discuss your needs with either the chaplain or pastor before they attend to your loved one.
You may also find that a chaplain is a good individual to have by your side once your loved one has passed on. They are a great form of stability and communication should you need it.
Talk to them and sit in the silence when needed
Sometimes, talking to them or simply sitting in the silence with your loved one is something that’s needed. Talking to them, even if they’re not totally aware of the surroundings therein, can be a great comfort - much like it is when you’re holding their hands or touching their face.
Alternatively, there may be periods where simply sitting in the silence is something that’s needed. Sometimes there’s really nothing to say and anything you could say has already been said previously.
Sitting in the silence can feel uncomfortable or awkward, but a lot of the time it comes along naturally and it’s best to just embrace it when it happens.
Talking to them is important because it keeps them aware of who is in the room and who has left. If they’re drifting in and out of consciousness, they may be confused as to who is present and who has left.
Listen to music or read to them
Music is a great way to help a loved one keep calm and collected in their final few hours. The power that music holds is one that certainly is worth maximizing when it comes to being in a situation like this.
With music, it brings about nostalgia and for some songs in particular, the loved one and those around them might find great comfort with the song itself.
If they’re in a hospital environment, then it’s worthwhile bringing in a speaker to play the songs. For those who are in their home environment, it’ll likely be a lot easier to play the music whenever it’s needed.
Another comfort that can be great to offer your loved ones is by reading to them. Perhaps you could read snippets from their favorite book or it could be a book that holds meaning to you and your loved one together.
Reminisce on happier times
Sitting with a loved one for their final few hours on earth can be a fairly raw and upsetting experience. You’re counting down the hours and the hours you do have, you’re not quite sure just how many you’ll get. With that being said, it’s important in that moment to not think about the limited time you have and instead, reminisce on the happier times in your life together.
Looking back on memories, whether they’re responsive to the conversation or not, is a great way of helping ease all of the emotions that are likely being felt within the room. It can bring a lot of peace, joy, and happiness, to reminisce with your loved one and with anyone that’s in the room with you.
Worry less about the time you do have now and try to make the most of that time by reflecting on all of the years and the time you did have with that individual.
Make sure they are as comfortable as possible
Comfort is key in the final hours of anyone you’re looking after. It’s easy to do so when you’ve got the means and medication to do so, but there are other ways to ensure they’re as comfortable as possible.
From plumping their pillows to changing their position in the bed to make them more comfortable in that moment can be of great comfort for the loved one. Sometimes, changing their position might not be easily done with just one or two people so where it’s possible, get additional help.
Different bodily massages can be helpful to give, whether that’s their hands, feet or legs. Look at what brings them the most comfort and what is possible with what you have available.
Try to remain calm
Try to keep calm when you’re in the presence of your loved one. The last thing you want to do is panic or become inconsolable in their final hours. If you need that moment, try to step out of the room and take time for yourself.
It’s important to look after yourself, as well as looking after your loved one. Remaining calm is going to make sure you’re in the moment and that you’re making the most out of what is an upsetting situation.
Allow them to sleep
While it might feel like wasted time, it’s important to allow your loved one to rest. While it may be their final hours before they eventually pass, it’s important to allow them to sleep so that they can hopefully wake up with a bit more energy. That can allow them to spend that little bit more time with you and your loved ones, in a more compos mentis state.
Tell them that when they want to it’s ok to let go
As much as it can be a hard thing to say to a loved one, it’s important you give them the go-ahead to let go and to know it’s ok to do so. A lot of loved ones might hold out for as long as they can but ultimately, being given the approval to let go of the pain or whatever they may be holding onto, can bring the most peace.
Helping a loved one in their final hours is tough but it can be one of those last memories that you will treasure forever.
No comments